Birthday Licks
by Kesshi Mashin
Summary: It's Ranma's 18th birthday, and the fiancees are out in force... *lime*


Birthday Licks

By: FXffects

A Ranma Nibunnoichi one-shot, with just a hint of lemon.

For entertainment purposes only. No infringement intended. Ranma 1/2 is owned by Takahashi Rumiko.

* *: thoughts

"It's a bawdy planet."

~ Shakespeare, 'The Winter's Tale', I, ii

A contented smile settled on Ranma-chan's face, her eyes positively sparkling, as she reread the card in her hands. Happy birthday, Ranma. Love, Mom, she read aloud, her smile widening even more. Ranma-chan was a bit disappointed that she couldn't see her mom in person' yet, but the card somewhat made up for it. Ranko' had been mildly surprised when her Auntie' Nodoka had asked her to deliver the card to her errant son. Love, Mom. Ranma-chan began to skip about the marketplace, not caring how girlish she looked at the moment; she was too happy to care. This day couldn't get any better... 

NIHAO, RANMA!

*It could get a lot worse, though,* Ranma-chan thought darkly, turning to see the purple-haired Amazon close in fast on her bike.

Shampoo exclaimed, hurtling off of her bike towards the currently female fiancee. Three quick shrugs, and the Amazon's scandalously revealing ensemble was shed, revealing to a few bystanders that, yes, Shampoo was a natural purple. SHAMPOO GIVE AIREN TOO TOO DELICATE FLOWER ON BIRTHDAY!

Ranma-chan's eyes widened, and the faintest hint of a nosebleed began to form, as the nude Amazon glomped onto her prone form. ACK! Shampoo, get of- Her eyes bugged out and her nosebleed greatly intensified as Shampoo began to rub her body against Ranma's in a very... provocative manner. Several of the bystanders crumpled to the ground with a thud, the blood loss becoming too much to handle. 

The Amazon purred into Ranma-chan's ear, nipping at the now rosy earlobe playfully. Shampoo show airen joy of becoming man, she whispered lustily into the redhead's ear, letting her hands begin roaming about the redhead's body... 

~~~~~

Ukyo flipped the okonomiyaki she was cooking onto a nearby plate, humming softly to herself while she prepared the dish; it was a special birthday present for her Ranchan. After learning from Nabiki that it was Ranma's eighteenth birthday, the okonomiyaki chef had dashed home to prepare for her love a feast fit for a king. Considering Ranma's rather large appetite, she had begun whipping up another batch. 

Where's the lunch-time crowd? Konatsu asked, as he stepped out of the pantry, carrying several bags of flour out and setting them beside the griddle. 

The chef blinked in surprise, and looked up from her griddle, noticing for the first time the lack of customers. Her gaze was slowly drawn towards the window, and she eyed the massive mob standing huddled together in the streets. What's with the crowd? Ukyo asked Konatsu, who was staring out of the store window at the large throng right outside of the restaurant. 

The kunoichi turned away from the window, clenching his nose together tightly. A few drops of blood still managed to trickle out of his nose, however, staining his white blouse. I... I'm sorry, I gotta go! With that, the cross-dresser beat a hasty retreat back up the stairs to his room, slamming the door tightly shut behind him. 

That's odd... Ukyo shrugged, then walked towards the window, adjusting her apron slightly. She peered out of the window for a moment, before quickly straightening. Stiffly turning in place, the chef slowly walked back towards the counter. A faint reddish black aura began to envelop the irate chef, as a certain spatula was retrieved... 

~~~~~

Ooh, airen so soft right... there, Shampoo moaned softly, her nimble hands still running all along her fiancee. Ranma-chan had struggled briefly, but a quick poke at the right shiatsu point, and the redhead was all hers. Most all of the bystanders had either fainted, or were hiding behind parked cars, watching the scene intently while they handled their business. The Amazon could care less about the voyeurs; the more witnesses, the better. She giggled to herself, and proceeded to try a maneuver she had read of in one of her special tomes. *Everything is all so perfect-* Her thoughts trailed off, as the world around her became black... 

~~~~~

Damn hussy. Ukyo glanced at her horribly dented spatula, annoyed, and tossed the utensil aside. Angrily lifting and tossing the Amazon to one side, Ukyo reached down and lifted her now unconscious fiancee. A faint blush spread across her face, as she noticed Ranma-chan's state of dress, and she quickly rearranged her fiancee's clothing into a more presentable fashion. Cradling Ranma-chan's flushed body gently against hers, Ukyo began walking back towards the store, casting the various perverts scattered about the street dirty looks as she passed. Come on, let's get you inside... 

~~~~~

Ranma was quickly roused from his catatonic state with a quick splash of hot water. Sputtering, he quickly bolted up from the bed in was lying in, frantically looking about the unfamiliar room. A slight draft filled the room, and Ranma froze in place, slowly turning his gaze down towards... he screamed, hastily shooting beneath the bedsheets to cover his birthday suit. Ohmygod, ohmygod, Shampoo and I didn't... Peering out from beneath the sheets, Ranma spotted a blushing Ukyo, and sighed in relief. *Oh good, it's only Ucchan...* Ranma paused, and slowly reevaluated the situation in his head. In bed. Naked. Blushing Ucchan. .... eep. 

Ukyo said teasingly, realizing what Ranma was thinking. Wagging a finger at the pig-tailed martial artist, she pointed at the pile of red and black rags piled near the doorway. Shampoo really tore your clothes up, so I had to toss them. She pointed at a somewhat short bathrobe hanging lying on a chair next to the bed, blushing slightly. That's the only thing I think that'll fit you for now. 

Casting the robe a dubious glance, Ranma nodded his thanks, and reached out for the robe. Thanks for everything, Ucchan. 

Ukyo smiled brightly at Ranma, and nodded at the thanks. No prob, Ranchan. Turning to exit the room, the brown-haired chef cast a quick glance at the nude martial artist lying in her bed, struggling to suppress the urge to hop in with him. Lunch will be ready in a few, sug. 

~~~~~

Ranma stared into the full length mirror, sporting a hard frown and not much else. The robe was much too short, and barely reached down to cover his butt. He grimaced, and wrapped a towel around his waist, sighing. *I guess this'll have to do,* he thought glumly, stepping out of the room. His mood noticeably brightened, as his nose caught the scent of fresh cooked okonomiyaki, and he smiled, silently thanking whoever was up there for a friend like Ucchan. 

Walking down the stairs, Ranma breathed in the delicious aroma of cooked batter and special sauce. Smells great, Uc... chan... The pig-tailed martial artist froze in shock, and stared at his best friend, another nosebleed beginning to form. 

Ukyo smiled in what she thought was a seductive manner, and leaned against the counter, fanning herself with one of her spatulas. Ah, thanks Ranchan. She almost jumped in glee when she noticed that Ranma was suffering from a small nosebleed. Oh, my washer broke, and, well, Ukyo feigned a sigh, as she tugged at her shrunken shirt, look at what happened to all my clothes. *God, I can't breath.* 

Ukyo was wearing her usual ensemble, only it was a bit too... small for her build. Her pants, already skin tight, clung tightly to her shapely legs, and some of the black fabric had begun to ride up her... Ranma gulped, and tried to block out the image. But, he couldn't help but notice that Ukyo had neglected to bind her chest today, and her shirt was hard-pressed to... 

The brown-haired chef sighed in frustration, and partially unbuttoned her restrictive top, breathing in deeply. She glanced over at the Ranma-sized hole in the wall, and cursed softly under her breath. Damnit, I was sure it would work. There was a loud thump, and Ukyo looked across the room at Konatsu's prone form, streams of blood gushing out of his nose. Ukyo glanced down, then muttered another curse, as she struggled to stuff one of her assets back into her tiny shirt... 

~~~~~

Nabiki paused in her reading and set down her manga, watching in amusement as Ranma, dressed only in a towel and an extremely tiny bathrobe, dashed by, screaming incoherently at the top of his lungs. The brunette began to reach for a nearby camera, but stopped, and instead picked up her manga and resumed reading. Happy birthday, Ranma. 

~~~~~

Ranma settled down into a lotus position, exhaling sharply. Clenching his eyelids shut, the pig-tailed birthday boy began to attempt to block out the images of scantily clad women, prancing about and rubbing themselves all along his- 

*Must... not.... think... bad.... thoughts....* 

Happy birthday, Ranma-kun.

Ranma quickly lept to his feet at the soft voice, immediately settling into a ready stance. He paused, then let his guard down, seeing only Kasumi leaning against a practice dummy. A full blown grin soon materialized onto Ranma's face, as he noticed the tray of cookies set next to the dojo entrance. Ah, sorry bout that, Kasumi. Ranma's grin widened even more, and he reached back to scratch the back of his head. The fiancees have been out in force today. A severe blush spread across Ranma's face at the thought. 

The brunette housewife walked over towards the tray, lifting the plate of sweets. No doubt to wish you a happy eighteenth, she said cheerily, walking over to Ranma and offering him the cookies. 

Thanks, Kasumi-chan, Ranma mumbled between mouthfuls of cookies, already almost finished polishing off the entire tray. 

So, did you have fun at the market today? Kasumi asked coyly, her ever present smile widening as Ranma dropped the tray in his hands.

Ranma opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words were forthcoming. He merely settled for staring at the older girl, who was slowly circling him, giggling softly to herself. ... what did you see? Ranma finally asked, feeling a bit faint at the thought that one of the Tendo sisters had seen Shampoo and him... 

Stopping behind the birthday boy, Kasumi leaned forward and wrapped an arm about Ranma's wasit, languidly draping the other arm over his left shoulder. Resting her chin against the still boy's right shoulder, Kasumi playfully nuzzled Ranma's neck, purring contentedly. I saw her do this... Tilting her head back ever so slightly, Kasumi extended her tongue and slowly ran it along the base of his ear. Kasumi murmured softly into Ranma's ear. 

The pigtailed boy, for his part, was frozen in place, the idea of Kasumi pressed against his body and... licking him too much for his mind to comprehend. 

Moving around to his front, Kasumi pressed herself against Ranma's defined chest, casually unbuttoning his shirt with one hand, her other hand reaching inside his shirt to feel his muscular frame. Kissing the pig-tailed boy lightly on the lips, Kasumi snaked a hand down the front of Ranma's pants, eliciting a sharp hiss. Once the shirt was unbuttoned and tossed aside, Kasumi began to run her hands all over his pectoral and abdominal muscles, savoring every contour. She leaned her head forward, and playfully licked at his nipples, grinning at the effect it was having on the boy. That's three now.

Dropping to her knees, Kasumi dragged her tongue down Ranma's chiseled abs, until she reached the top of Ranma's pants. Her busy hands soon undid the drawstrings, and... Oh my, Kasumi murmured, eyeing the tool before her. She paused, and ticked off four fingers. That leaves... She smiled wickedly, and leaned forward, tongue at the ready. 

Ranma's eyes bugged, and, for a few moments, his heart felt like it was about to burst in his chest. And then, before he realized it, it was over, and- 

Kasumi wiped her mouth, and ticked off a few fingers. Oh my, I'm afraid I lost count. She blew a quick kiss to the pale birthday boy, and licked her lips in anticipation. Better start over again... 

A few more seconds passed, and an exhausted Ranma collapsed onto the dojo floor, breathing heavily, but otherwise relatively unhurt. ... wow. 

A goofy smile made its way onto Ranma's countenance, and Kasumi suspected that if he had been wearing glasses, that they would already be fogged up. Shuffling to her feet, Kasumi carefully smoothed out her dress. Eighteen licks, she whispered, bending over at the waist to stare Ranma in the eye. There was a mischievous glint in Kasumi's eyes, and she snaked a hand down towards Ranma's bare bottom. And a pinch to grow an inch. She kissed Ranma lightly on the cheek, and pinched the boy's cheek playfully. Although you don't really need it. 

~~~~~

The End.

Author's Note: 

Heheh, before you decide to lynch me and send me horrible flames describing how you wish I burn in hell for making Kasumi do such a thing, lemme just say... er.... 

Anywho, I began writing this fic because one of my friends at school had just turned, surprise surprise, eighteen. Well, the birthday tradition of pummeling the birthday boy a certain number of times based on his age (and the hated pinch to grow an inch at the end) got me thinking: How can I pervert this innocent rite of passage? Well, ta-da! 

Yah, I realize that the characters, for the most part, are OOC. So what? Come on, people, creative license. And, apologies go out to all the Kasumi fans. Me so sowy. 

Was that a bit too lemony fresh? Heh. 

~ Kesshi Mashin (FXffects)


End file.
